RAI, Day 5: Turned the corner

Today — I waited till the end of the day to update — was a better day. Sort of. The nausea was better. The icky taste in my mouth was less. I actually ate what I wanted to eat (chocolate cheerios for breakfast and a shrimp burrito for lunch) even though I couldn’t really enjoy them as much as I would under normal circumstances.

Mostly now I’m just getting stir crazy. For some reason I didn’t think I’d mind just chillin in bed for a few days because I’d be able to relax, read, watch TV, and not have to worry about anything else. That was true for about a day and a half. Then I was feeling kinda sick. And now I’m just feeling like I’m ready to get the hell out of here. I don’t know if this room really smells funny or if my senses are just a little haywire. I’ve washed the sheets and opened the window and turned on the ceiling fan and sprayed Lysol. This room is still just … stale. Literally and figuratively.

I’m also a little upset as I write this because, being past midnight, it is now Mother’s Day. Not only am I upset because this will be my fifth Mother’s Day since my mom has been gone, but I won’t really be able to spend this one with my own family. I won’t be able to hug my wife or my kids. Oh, I suppose I could. But it’s not worth it. It’s still too soon. My instructions are to “avoid physical contact with children for 10 days.” It says to “avoid close contact with adult family members (more than 2 hours) for 10 days.”

It’s funny, because I’ve been away on trips for work dozens of times when I’ve been unable to even see my wife and kids for more than 10 days, but somehow this seems worse. I can hear them in the house, see them outside my door, but I need to stay away as much as possible.

Soon, it’ll be over. I’ll be cancer-free, and we can all get back to our normal lives. Counting the days.


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